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壽宴
有一天瓜瓜的爸爸帶他去吃參加親戚的壽宴，
結果最後一道菜是壽桃，
這個死小孩很不識大體的問爸爸：
「爸爸！爸爸！這個看起來好像屁股喔。」
在座的親戚朋友，都覺得這個小孩子很不識相亂講話，
所有的親戚朋友都等著看他爸爸要如何教訓他，
只見他爸爸順手拿起了一個壽桃扒開：
「對啊，你看這裡面還有大便喔！」
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名次會說話
不久後考完第一次期中考，
成績單發下來後於是小明的爸爸便對小明說：
「兒子，希望以後不要每次看到你的名次，
就知道你們班上有幾個人好嗎！」
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最後的清靜
酒吧裡，兩個男人在聊天，
甲：「喂！你怎麼悶悶不樂，一副愁眉苦臉的樣子？」
乙：「唉！我老婆鬧彆扭，她發誓一個禮拜不跟我說話。」
甲：「那你該高興才對呀！至少你的耳根子可以清靜清靜了。」
乙：「你不知道呀！今天是一個禮拜的最後一天了！」
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「我真倒霉，我的老婆拿走了我所有的財產跑了！」
另一個酒鬼說道：
「老兄，你還是挺幸運的，
我的老婆拿走了我所有的財產，但是她還不肯走！」
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棉花糖
有一天，小明匆匆的跑回家跟媽媽說：
「媽，快給我十塊錢，外面有一個老伯伯叫的好慘喔！」
媽媽心裡一想這孩子真懂事，這麼小就會憐憫別人，
於是就高興的拿了十塊錢給他並問說：「他叫什麼啊？」
小明就說：「他叫棉花糖一個十塊錢。」
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甲說：好無聊喔！都沒什麼好玩的...唉...
乙說：簡單！看我把自己切成兩半，就可以玩猜拳了...
丙說：那有什麼！我把自己切成四段，就圍成一桌了...
丁說：唉，你們真遜！我把自己切成六段，來個三打三鬥牛如何啊！
甲說：咦？那隻戊呢...？
結果乙說：
牠也把自己切兩半....只不過是切直的....
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